One Year Ago

One year ago if someone asked me what I thought of the phrase “times heals everything,” I would’ve said that I absolutely 100% believe that, but now, after going through another rough year where I just crossed my fingers and hoped everything would get better soon, I can conclude that you have to work for what you want and you can’t just hope time will heal it.

One year ago I believed that time could heal the things that people can’t. I used to think that if you can’t do something, hope time can do it for you.

One year ago I thought you could bury all your problems and hide them deep within yourself until you forgot about them, and then check again later and they’d be gone.

Now that I’ve grown up a little since how I was when I believed that, I can confidently tell you that time doesn’t heal anything. You have to do the healing yourself, and sometimes the healing is the aching and the part of recovery that hurts the most, and sometimes you’re alone for that part. But if you don’t do it, nobody will, and time especially won’t.

Now that I’ve gone through enough hardship this past year, I can say that you have to deal with your problems as they happen and you can’t push them away or ignore them because that’ll only make everything worse.

Now I’ve learnt that hoping time takes the wheel just makes everything worse. It dilutes the problem and makes it impossible to find the motivation to work towards getting better, but it doesn’t dilute it enough for it not to be there. If you don’t work at the problem yourself and procrastinate recovery, it’ll linger on and only make it hurt more when you realize that you’re not better.
And sometimes realizing you’re not better is the hardest part because after wasting so much time, you can still feel yourself slipping away. You feel yourself get bad again. You know you’re not doing the things that have to be done; you know you’re not taking care of yourself… and you know all the things that you need to do to get better, but you just can’t. And you’re left feeling like shit because you thought you were getting better and now you’re not.

As someone who’s been through some shit, I can say that time doesn’t heal anything and you have to heal yourself in order to get better. The phrase “times heals everything” is a lie. What it really means is that you get used to the pain… and to get over the pain and work through your problems, you have to work at it and heal yourself because time changes nothing if your mind stays the same.