god, not God

I believe there is no god.  Where I live, it is expected for me to believe in god, and be a devout member of the church.  Instead, science makes me feel empowered, and I question the unknown.  

When I was younger, my aunt had a boyfriend, with whom my siblings and I became very close with.  Then he developed cancer.  At the time, I thought he had a golf ball inside him, and that’s why he was getting sick, but of course that wasn’t the case.  My aunt had to spend long nights in the hospital, my mom and her other sister comforting her until the day he was gone.  My “sort of” uncle died from cancer and I was the only one, out of my siblings, to come to the conclusion that he was gone.  I cried until I fell asleep; I woke up the next morning remembering all the fun trips to Chuck E Cheese’s, and his favorite song, “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz.  How can I believe in god when he is believed by many to determine our fate?  How can I believe in him when he determines that my almost uncle should die?  For this reason, I believe there is no god.  For this reason, I question the unknown.

I aspire to be an obstetrician/gynecologist and maybe a neonatal surgeon on top of that.  I could help in the giving of life.  Every time I save or deliver a baby, I will be giving a person a full life.  Some babies and moms aren’t as lucky.  According to the FDA, one baby in one hundred and fifteen is born with a heart and circulation defect.  How can I believe in a god that sickens a life that hasn’t began yet?  In addition there are so many genetic diseases that get passed down from generation to generation, such as Huntington’s disease.  This is a disease that breaks down nerve cells in the brain, makes people lose function of their body, and their ability to think.  An additional chromosome within a person causes Down syndrome.  For people who believe god is the creator of everything, how did he let this happen?  With science you know the plan every step of the way.  When you begin to consider that there is a higher power involved, everything becomes unclear.  For this reason I believe there is no god.

I can’t pretend for my family, community, or the church I attend.  There are too many wrongs in the world.  People believe god is the creator of heaven and earth, that god is the creator of everything living and nonliving.  If this is true, how come people die?  Why are there so many diseases?  Why are people poor?  Why is there such a thing as medicine?  Within science there is room to change the outcome; make the patient better.  Science is more concrete and clear.  For some people that’s how god is, but I am full of question.  I believe there is no god.